Paying the tab: a cultural reflection

A few weeks ago, I sat in a German pub eating dinner with a co-worker, when we started to discuss the cultural differences in splitting (or not) the tab at dinner, depending on the country we're in. In the US for example, when going out with friends, more often than not, if the server hasn't already split the bill, then each person at the table would check the receipt, and pay for exactly what he/she ordered. In contrast, in France, the bill would be split evenly between all the people eating. That is to say, if the bill is 40, and there are 4 people, each person would pay 10, regardless if one person ordered a 20 dollar meal and the others ordered meals worth much less. In the third scenario, in China, if one dines with friends, he/she should be prepared to have one person foot the bill, as it would be offensive to ask to split the bill. However, it is an unspoken rule that each person should take turns in paying the entire bill at subsequent dinners together.

These practices have a direct correlation with the culture or governmental structure of each country. The American ideology, for example, emphasizes individualism. Each one for his own, and you pay for what you eat. The French practice is somewhere in between. It balences individualism with shared responsibility. It's sorta like the idea of paying more taxes and sharing the wealth. On the other hand, the Chinese practice puts an emphasis on reliance on each other, and the importance of building trust between friends and other relationships. It is important to remember which country one is in, so as not to affend those that you dine with.

In China, this emphasis on trust and relationship building over time is reflected in the work place and in private life. For example, in many Chinese companies, people are promoted based on the years of experience with the company, rather than by performance and results. Loyalty to the company, as well as to friends and family is hard to earn, but highly valued. For me, it is something that I keep in mind daily as I work with my Chinese counterparts. It is difficult to develop relationships here, but at the same time, the friendships that one is able to form are truly worthwhile...

So, the next time you come to China to visit a friend, don't worry if someone pays for the entire check. Just offer to do the same the second time around!